Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
