my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
