Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
