Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
BRING THE BAGELS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
