I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
