Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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