I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
