oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
