Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
