my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize