and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
