I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
