I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
