you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
