Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
