a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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