I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We had sex on a dog bed..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
