I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
