Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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