I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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