Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
