if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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