The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
