Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
