Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize