i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
