You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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