he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
