i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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