I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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