Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
