Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
