i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize