apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
