The best revenge is premature balding
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
