I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
