All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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