I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize