the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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