Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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