Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
