dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
