Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
