Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
did i just pee glitter
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