Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
