Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's the barista slut.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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