Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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