Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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