I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
