So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
