This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
