Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
