Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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