My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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