And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
As shirtless as possible
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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