she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
