She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
