Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize