I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
