i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
