do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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