he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
