Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
