Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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