drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
