omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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