I can feel you judging me through the phone.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
