just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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