Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
