She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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