..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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