Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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