What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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