i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
