bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
