; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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