after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
