dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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