I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
