i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
