You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So vagazzling was a success
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
