If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
