I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize