if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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