I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
