Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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