and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
