When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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