god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
