oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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