So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
