handjob tips. give me some.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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