Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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