That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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