i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
