woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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