Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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