Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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