Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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